I've been a bit torn lately about my dad. I still feel like he's around me somewhere trying to guide me. It doens't matter how silly it sounds, it keeps me sane. I get pretty depressed sometimes feeling like a burden to others and fantasize a lot about what it would be like to take my life. Ending it is very easy. The hard part is accepting how much pain you will inflict outside your wounds. Your escape will become everyone's tragedy. Atleast, to those that really love you. When I think about this, I think about how my dad would see me. Like the first time... he looked so torn up. But what someone sees as a shameful act, I just see as the next step nobody is willing to take. I'm an explorer by heart. My entire life, all I've wanted was to step out of my boundaries and see what this world embraces and I have so many obstacles. Seems like death is the easiest one to crossover.
And of course I don't want to write this to gain anyones sympathy. Fuck that. I have better things to do. Yes, life can be emotional but why are people so afraid to think outside their means of perception? Do they really believe that we will burn forever? Do they really believe in sin?
Heaven means to be one with God.
-Confucius
If we don't know life, how can we know death?
-Confucius
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