Fuck Love

I can't believe I've gone so far as to think that life seems pointless. I've hurt Bobby and I feel that maybe I should spare him the grief and just pack and go. Leave for good. At least then I could say that I wouldn't have to corner him and accuse him of betraying me. I will never trust him I guess. It's a never-ending battle ending with us always getting in arguments. I could care less where I end up. I could lay in a gutter for all that I give a shit but I don't think I've ever been comfortable constantly hurting someone. If I walk now, I walk into that same dark path Ive walked before. I'm not afraid. I just know what's coming. I don't want to be rescued, I don't want to be talked to. I just want to cease to live a normal life. I'm young but what does it matter anyways. You don't have to  technically be dead to be dead. And that's about all I have to say. I cut ties with whatever friends I have in order to fix things. I don't want to give a shit about anyone. I don't want to feel the need to put anyone before me. Bobby, I love you and fuck if I didn't really try to put my whole life into this and I still feel like my place is nowhere. I'm just renting this place. Dreaming is pretty much all I've been doing and it's maybe time to wake up and realize that nobody will ever take me for the bag of shit I am. Hang on to whatever little pride you have left and try to no muck everyone's lives up. Move away. Just give up. Why did I ever think that moving from Houston was going to be better? It's all the same shit anyways. Just fucking fuck off and die. Finally do something worthy of accomplishing.